|
Have you ever been sitting at the poker table maybe enjoying a drink and a really good run of luck when all of a sudden this asshole two seats over starts belting out show tunes as if he were Debbie Reynolds? Well we have. Here are some of the early warning flags you have an asshole at your poker table.
- Straddling. Do you know what straddling is? Its the stupidest thing you could ever do with your money at the poker table. You are blindly putting out more money that you have to before the cards are dealt. Honestly, keep your money and quite being an asshole.
- Trash talking too much. It gets really old guys. A few things here and there, yeah that's fine, but please stop trying to impress girls that aren't even watching.
- Not tipping the dealer. If your dealer is an asshole, or a bitch or just plain not nice, fine, I wouldn't tip either. But if you have a hard working dealer that is working to make your game more enjoyable, please take a minute to remember that they make a living off what you give them. I know it might "cut in to your winnings" Well shit, than win an extra pot at the end of the night.
- Continuously saying "I never win with pocket Aces." Honestly shut up. Actually, your probably more of an idiot if your saying this than an asshole...but I will keep you in the ass category too.
- Being a dick to the cocktail waitress. This is kind of like not tipping the dealer. If the lady (or dude) is crabby and doesn't offer good service, then its KIND OF okay to be a dick. Can't you just shut up and take your drink though? Maybe they are having a bad day. If you are being a dick to a nice cocktail waitress who is just trying to get you your drinks though...whooahh, your a major ass. You need to tip them too.
- Mumbling under your breath when some one sucks out a hand on you. I know it sucks, but don't be an asshole. You'll win more money buy patronizing the equally qualified asshole who played the hand.
- Getting pissed at the idiot you were mad at in number 6.
- Not understanding why I wrote lesson number 7.
- Why the hell would you want good players at your fucking table??? HONESTLY. Put those three together yet? Your the Asshole.
- Being so drunk at the table you reduce everyone's effective remaining life time by two hours before you finally leave. I love to drink at the table..but please, if you can't see straight, get up and leave. Go find a hooker.
- Bitching all the time about how you never win with big slick. Well, your an asshole, so you probably played it wrong.
- Being smug. Directly from Dictionary.com here is the definition of Smug: Exhibiting or feeling great or offensive satisfaction with oneself or with one's situation; self-righteously complacent. We already know you are an asshole. But don't take it farther by being smug.
- Quit talking about yourself. If I asked, then please, tell me all about it. Otherwise, I have no need to hear you rant on for my whole session about why your job is amazing. The problem is, I can tell by the sound of your voice that you ASSUME I want to hear about it.
- The staunch bettor, you know, the one who you are not going to lay down against?? Yeah, please chill out when his well played pocket Kings destroy your pocket jacks. I know your pissed, and I know you wanted to bet and raise and all that jazz. Give it up though, you knew after the flop he had you crushed.
- Quit talking about how much you hate online poker. I know, I know, your the one guy in the card room who has never tried it, but your being a real ass. Do you realize how many more hands you can get in during an online session? That means you can win more. Oh wait, your a piece of dung, you don't know any better.
- Assholes don't know how to wear their hats straight.
- They talk about other players at the table in the third person. To make it even worse they don't even look you in the eye when-or after-they have done it.
- They calculate pot odds, out loud, at the table and are under the complete impression that you are impressed by it.
- They think they are above the "no cell phones on the casino floor" rule.
- Usually they do each of the previous 19 things, plus they smell, are irritating and are ugly.
|
|
Poker Strategy 
