|
If you are reading this right now, you most likely are a poker player. If your not a poker player, and you are one of thousands of aspiring gamblers who happens to scan this page, than forgive me, I mean you no offense. But for all you seasoned 10/20 twelve tablers'...or however you would say that...yeah, your all dicks.
I have never met a more pompous group of into-themselves- assholes in my life. If you are a humbled, modest poker player, aware of your gift and thankful for it, CONTACT US so we can see the light of day when not everyone in our game will be an ex-matriculated half-breed with ego problems.
Give me a break. Everyone knows it...the greatest thing to ever happen at party poker was them cutting off American players. Why? Because, a good player could finally sit down at Party Poker and play a game in peace without getting some stupid comment thrown at them every time they got a little lucky. It's like these pricks feel entitled to win just because their good starting hand went bust. Honestly though...I am not even writing this because of the online players. Its the complete rejects I run into at the brick and mortar card rooms that really hack me off...
So I am sitting $5/$10 at a local casino the other day. Its a pretty loose game. I hadn't been there in a year and its the same eight faces I saw the last time I was here. Tom is a bus driver, he comes in and plays poker while the passengers from his bus are in playing bingo or some other dumb game. Tom is okay at poker, but he gets pissed a little to easily. Tom however, is not a dick. He is a genuine person who happens to have a little extra cash each week that he plays poker with.
Now, continuing on with the game, the other guys all have stories similar to Tom's. They are Just there to have fun, but they are a tad more interested in poker than what the $2/$4 game can provide. So they play $5/$10. Who knows why, maybe so when they are on the tail end of being stuck $750 bucks they feel a little emotion..I don't know. Anyways, tonight was going to be different. Some choad smoking felon decided he needed to sit down and ruin our nice little game.
This guy was a complete dick, and like that, I knew why I decided to take a year off from poker. This guy was wearing his hat in ways I didn't know were possible. Fucking Sir Isaac Newton couldn't of even written a formula for the way this guys hat was on.
-It was inverted-cocked 33 degrees laterally -and also tilted nearly 75 degrees on the vertical plane-It was a Yankees hat (this card room is no where near Brooklyn!)
I kept it together for a hand or two. I thought maybe he wouldn't start talking. In fact, if he wouldn't of started talking, I would of let the hat go. Really, I understand some people just dress like idiots. I was OKAY with that.
Nope...just as I assumed, this guy was a complete douche bag and he started talking. One of the regulars busted him for a pretty good pot on the second hand he played. Choad smoker was representing pretty strong on a flush happy board. He was open betting, and he raised on two of the rounds. Bill, a nice older gentlemen, who plays a good, solid game, wasn't going anywhere. So Bill (albeit passively) called him down to the river.
"Whuddya got old man"
"You raised last kiddo"
"Geaah, I gots a queen and a jack"
"Well son I am afraid that wont do it"
Bill calmly turned over his pocket tens and won the pot.
"That's bullshit.....dat shit wouldn't play in my regular game"
What?? What?? That shit wouldn't play in your game????? Now keep in mind, while he is saying that, he looks me straight in the eye as if I was to feel his pain and agree with his point of view. You know you have run into that guy before... He thinks his aggressive betting was soooooo good that anyone who might of called him was clearly of lesser mind.
This jerk off was trying to push around a pretty solid experienced player on a less than face card flushed board with a queen and a jack that were no better than jack and Jill up the fucking hill with no way home. But I guess a winning pair of tens wouldn't play in his game.
He sat for about two hours and the only thing he did was move money around and act like a dick. He won a few pots, and of course wasn't civil about it. He was a dick. He was god's gift to poker, and was blessing us with his presence for the night. Upon his exit he revealed to us all that this was a rare trip to the "real" card room for him. He had to go back home and grind it out with his home game buddies who get together once a month to play drop guts for meth and other swell drugs. Hey at least he will be dead soon, or at least he will be so screwed up he can't come be a dick at my nice game anymore.
All poker players are dicks!
Randall Swenson
Randall Swenson is a recreational poker player who regularly enjoys hold'em and stud games in Southern California. He writes about his encounters with asshole poker players and other gambling characters weekly for rakeshark.com
|
|
Poker Strategy 
